Few years back I came across this quote “Resentments are like swallowing poison and expecting the other people to die.” at first I didn’t grasp the meaning but after experiencing life and meeting manner of people and going through painful life experiences, I came to know what resentment is and the damage it can course firsthand.
“Resentment always hurts you more than it does the person you resent. While your offender has probably forgotten the offense and gone on with life, you continue to stew in your pain, perpetuating the past. Those who hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment. Your past is past. Nothing will change it. You are only hurting yourself with your bitterness. For your own sake, learn from it, and then let it go.” — Rick Warren
Resentment is like a cancer that eats away at time time which could have been filled with love and joy. Life is short. Time spent feeling angry or resentful about things that happened or didn’t happen is time squandered.
When you hold onto resentment, you end up hurting yourself far more than the person who has hurt you. The amount of energy it takes to hate someone is exhausting. It keeps you from being present with others and from fully engaging in life. Harboring resentment may make you feel better in the short term, but in the long run, it only consumes and drains you.
Fortunately there is a way of geting over resentment and reclaiming your life. Here are some things you can do to begin.
Think loving thoughts for the person you resent.
By sending only love toward someone, praying that they receive all the wonderful things you want for yourself in life, you’re slowly getting rid off the negative emotions that do you more harm than good.
Forgiveness does not mean pretending everything is “OK.” It doesn’t mean forgetting the hurt either. Forgiveness is simply the act of surrendering our desire for revenge; that is, our desire to hurt someone for having hurt us. Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves that enables us to stop picking at the scab and start making a plan for healing.
Make a plan
If the person who hurt you is willing to work with you, begin mapping out exactly what changes or effort youbwould need to see from that person to let you know that it is safe to reconcile. If you are on your own, focus your energy on making a plan for how will you strive to regain as much of what was taken from you as possible.
Stop Dwelling and Retelling
When we are hurt, we have a tendency to turn the painful events over and over in our head or tell anyone who will listen about our pain even over and over again. It is fine to talk to people we think can help us heal the hurt, facilitate reconciliation or help us rebuild our lives, but other than that, we should do what we can to stop dwelling on the story of our injury ourselves and stop speaking of it so freely to others.
A heart that is full of gratitude has little room for conceits or resentment. Be greatful that those painful experiences moulded you to be the strong person you are today.
I hope this few tips will help you get rid off resentment in your life and as you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.
Have a resentment free day.